I HEARD this week that the Norwegian night sky had been brilliantly illuminated by a meteorite and so, as I like this kind of thing, I went online to see if there was any footage.
Straight away there was a problem, because it was like looking for a needle in a haystack.
4There is lots of footage of meteors online but that does not mean they are more frequentCredit: Getty – ContributorYouTube is rammed with footage of meteors lighting up the skies over Norway. And Chile. And New Zealand. And Japan. And Russia. And even Gloucestershire.
I then checked the dates and found all this footage had been taken in the past THREE YEARS. Which worried me.
We never had meteorites when I was a kid. Whereas now there seems to be a new one every couple of weeks.
So what’s going on? Are we under attack?
Well, I’ve done some checking and it seems that every day Earth is hit by around 100 metric tons of space debris.
And this has been going on since the dawn of time.
The difference is that nowadays, this bombardment is all captured on film, because we all have cameras in our pockets.
And our cars have dashcams. Even our doorbells are set to record any comings and goings.
Basically then, we are now simply seeing what has been going on for billions of years.
And so it goes with crime in London . . .
In recent months I’ve been watching social media, and it seems that every single person in the capital is mugged every 15 minutes or so.
Also, every Apple store is robbed every day, every jeweller has its windows smashed in on the hour and the police can’t do anything about any of this because they’re all standing about with their hands in their pockets watching eco-girls with pink hair who’ve decided to sit down in the middle of the road.
London, therefore, looks like a lawless hellhole.
But is it? Or are we now seeing all these crimes, like meteorites, for the first time?
Likewise, cats. Is it only recently that they’ve started falling off furniture or have they been doing it, unseen, for years?
And drivers. Have we suddenly started crashing into things or is it just the case that all of our mistakes are now caught on camera?
It’s strange, but because we film everything and everything we film ends up on the internet, we’ve all gone mad.
We all think we are going to be mugged while having a car accident that was caused when someone’s cat fell off a piano because it had been hit on the head by a giant meteorite.
Wail for WalesAS an English person, I find it hard to feel sorry for the Welsh.
But after yesterday I do. I really do.
So here’s some sympathy in your own language: Pam roedd amser anafiadau mor hir?
I know useful stuff
IF you cast your mind back to the olden days, before the Extinction Rebellion protests, Just Stop Oil people and End Private Jets brigade, the roads used to be blocked by people who wanted free loft insulation.
Well, this week the Government gave in and announced that middle- income households will be able to get grants of up to £15,000 to make their houses more energy efficient.
4Wool can be used for insulation and it is very cheapCredit: Ministers say the figure has to be this high because loft insulation can cost up to £1,100 and cavity wall insulation more than twice that.
As usual, however, they’re wrong.
I built a house recently and do you want to guess how much my wall insulation cost?
About £2.75. And that’s because I used the shavings from my sheep.Which is called wool.
Wool is better than man-made fibres at absorbing smells, harmful chemicals, sound and moisture.
It’s also better at keeping you warm.
And quite apart from the massive savings, you’d be doing the country’s sheep farmers a favour.
Post breakOH no. The postman is going on strike.
How will I be able to cope if I’m unable to receive the bills, the parking fines, the speeding notifications, the council enforcement orders and all the other tiresome nonsense that drops through my letter-box every morning?
Water load of idiocy
FOR years, scientists have said we should drink eight glasses of water every day.
And now they’ve admitted they were wrong. Damn right they are.
I’ve never drunk a glass of water in my life, because why would you when there’s usually a beer in the fridge?
Meg losing sparkle
MEGHAN MARKLE said something this week. I don’t know what it was and I don’t care.
But I hope she keeps saying things because, eventually, everyone will tire of her and stop listening.
4Leonard Nimoy once warned the world was heading of another Ice AgeCredit: Getty – ContributorTHIS week, someone showed me an astonishing video made by actor Leonard Nimoy, who was best known as Star Trek’s Mr Spock.
Recorded in 1978, he said that temperatures in the Arctic had fallen dramatically in the past 30 years and that, in the lifetime of his grand-children, perpetual snow and darkness could turn most of the inhabitable parts of our planet into a polar desert.
Yup, the science officer of the Starship Enterprise was telling us that the world was cooling down.
And that scientists agreed a new Ice Age was coming.
Believable? Well, yes, until you realise that back then Hollywood stars could be persuaded to say pretty much anything if the cheque was big enough.
For instance, Telly Savalas, who played TV detective Kojak, once made a promo video about Birmingham where he called it “my kinda town”.
Yeah, right. So how come, in the five-minute clip, you didn’t appear?
I’ll skip a spine ‘n’ dine
UNLIKE the rest of the world, where there are bears and poisonous spiders and wolves, Britain is about as dangerous as Theresa May’s knicker draw.
But not any more. Because a woman out walking on a Cornish beach has found a puffer fish.
4A puffer fish is best avoided even if some decide they are a delicacyCredit: GettyThis is not something you want to tread on, as it contains a toxin that is 1,200 times more deadly than cyanide.
And there’s enough in each fish to kill 30 adults stone dead. And there is no known antidote.
What’s always amazed me most of all about this fish, though, is that in Japan it’s considered a delicacy.
You’re not even supposed to touch the damn things, but they wolf them down.
And what happens? Well, between 2000 and 2012, 23 people went home after their puffer fish supper, and died.
SOMEONE telephoned Sara Cox’s Radio 2 show this week and having requested Don’t Stop Me Now, by Queen, said: “Matt Hancock’s a c***.”
I was amazed by this because, think about it . . . he had decided to make a prank call.
He’d found the number and been put through by the switchboard so that he was now live on air.
He was broadcasting to, millions and could have said he was General Pinochet, or Bjorn Borg’s love child.
Or that Spam was a Russian plot to destabilise the Bank of England.
Or that Sara Cox had kicked his dog. He could have said anything.
But what this man chose to do instead was liken I’m A Celebrity contestant Matt Hancock to a lady part.
It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t clever.
And while it may have been true a couple of weeks ago, most people today think, actually, it isn’t.
Story Credit: thesun.co.uk